Three Steps to Deepen Your Prayer Habits

The words of Psalm 95 came to my mind as I stirred from sleep. That may sound like a holy moment, but I shook my head in frustration.

Apparently I had to start over the first psalm of Morning Prayer for the third time!

Prayer is one of those things that sometimes flows like a rushing river. It sweeps us away and we can barely stop it if we want to.

Other times, prayer feels like the most lonely obligation imaginable, reciting pre-written words into the emptiness.

Building a prayer life is neither easy nor automatic. Most mystics agree that God purifies our intentions by intentionally weaning us off of the pleasant feelings that prayer can give. He wants us to desire him, not the pleasure of resting with him.

This is the explanation given when we inevitably leave prayer’s honeymoon stage and must decide what we will do when the road becomes harder. Like a married couple whose infatuation has worn off, prayer takes a turn where our faithfulness, sacrifice, and love blend into one reality.

What will we do at those times?

My last article was about deepening the culture of our family. It turns out that deepening our prayer, while intensely personal, follows the same pattern.

Start with Why

Whenever I notice that my prayer habits have become stale, I find that I’ve lost sight of why I’ve chosen my prayer habits in the first place. If I focus on what I’m doing, instead of why I’m doing it, I can spend the right amount of time in my prayer chair and I can recite the correct words, but there’s an unmistakable emptiness. I’m completing a chore. I’m checking a box on a list.

So, why should I pray?

When I was younger, I prayed because my parents taught me to. My “why” was based on an expectation of myself. I did what I was supposed to do.

Today, I pray for only one reason: God is real, personal, and loving.

If that belief fuels my prayer, then it focuses on building a relationship.

If the reality of God’s existence, personal nature, and care for me doesn’t fuel prayer, then all I can do is speak hollow words into emptiness.

Why do you pray?

Define Success

Praying makes sense if we believe that God is real, personal, and loving. But, that doesn’t tell us the goal of prayer. What’s the point?

That depends on how we define success for prayer.

We may view prayer as part of our economy. We give God part of our life, so he owes us something in return. Our time is valuable, we should invest it wisely.

The problem is God’s response is up to him. Plus, he may act in ways we can’t perceive. Saying prayer was good or bad based on our perception of God’s response has led me to fruitless and dangerous attempts to pray in a certain way to evoke some response.

That’s not relational, that’s superstition.

Does successful prayer mean I was attentive, articulate, and reverent? But, that would mean I can’t pray when tired, stressed, or vulnerable in some other way. That can’t be right.

Maybe successful prayer doesn’t exist. Maybe simply showing up is good enough. But, that would mean prayer doesn’t involve our will and skill. We would become an irrelevant part of the conversation. That’s not how relationships work.

I call prayer a success if I was faithful, open, and authentic.

Was I faithful? Did I do what I planned to do (as long as I wasn’t called in a different direction)? Was I open? Did I make myself available to the Holy Spirit to guide? Did I patiently and simply hand distractions over to Jesus? Was I authentic? Did I present myself to Jesus just as I am without trying to hide my flaws in some way?

How do you define success in prayer?

Set Priority

Summer time was hard on my prayer life for several years. Longer days, later nights, and less rigid schedules led to fitting prayer in where I could. That usually meant I was rushing through or cutting short.

Something isn't a priority just because it’s important. How often do we wait until the last minute before doing important things? How many important things have we simply not found the time to do, yet?

Prayer as a priority means building our schedule around it. Today, my morning routine accounts for prayer now matter what time of the year or day of the week. I focus on mornings because the day isn’t likely to have gone off the rails by then. I can move the routine around as needed, but it moves as a block of time so it won’t be rushed.

Priority also means acting like God is real all the time, not just in dedicated times of prayer. How we talk, what and whom we listen to, and how we spend our time all reflect our priorities. When prayer—deepening our relationship with God—is a priority then it should soak into every part of our lives.

How do you prioritize prayer?

Conclusion

As I reflect on the times that my prayer life has faltered, I find that I’ve forgotten why I’m praying, I’m expecting something from prayer that God hasn’t promised, or I’ve let other priorities get in my way.

How about you? Do these areas need attention in your prayer life? Today is a great day to deepen them or get them back in alignment.