Our Holy Chaos

The day started with a sweet cocktail of confidence mixed with eagerness to prove myself. Solving puzzles is a big part of any software developer’s job and I had the perfect opportunity to unravel an issue that would make a big difference for my team and our customers. I had the experience, tools, and the time, a day with few meetings, to get it done. The day ended with the bitter taste of hours spent on fruitless tests and theories. I walked away from my desk defeated and spent the evening hours in a sullen funk questioning my skill and value. Why do so many things in life demand all we have to give while still remaining outside our control? God asks us not to worry about providing for our needs (see Mt 6:25), but doesn’t tell us what unexpected expenses are waiting down the road. We are to take care of our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (see 1 Cor 6:19) but no amount of diet and exercise can guarantee good health. If we don’t try, God will let us fail. But, if we do try, we...

Anger cut through me like a knife. It was the middle of the night—technically, the morning—and our new puppy woke me up by making a huge mess. Without getting into details, she obviously ate something that didn’t agree with her and I was convinced the smell would never come out of the carpet. The injustice dominated my thoughts. I didn’t want a dog, much less a puppy. It was my wife Tara’s doing. Yet, there I was cleaning the carpet while my wife blissfully slept the night away. A few days later, Tara and I had our end-of-month finance conversation. If that sounds boring, then you’re like my wife. She hates it. During the conversation, Tara reminded me that tracking expenses and talking about money is something she does for me, not her. It was disheartening to hear. I didn’t want her to do anything to placate me. I wanted her to choose to care, even though it’s not her thing. You probably noticed the hypocrisy faster than me. Here I was holding onto my image as a guy who has no time or...