“Will you be here soon?”
I froze in disbelief and then sprang into panicked activity. In five minutes a pair of priests, a deacon, a consecrated virgin, and a Benedictine sister were sitting on a panel to discuss vocations with a big group of young people.
Except the deacon was at home in flannel pajama pants about to eat a plate of tater tot hotdish.
Though the moderator, other panelists, and the audience were very charitable when I walked in twenty minutes late, peace in my heart took a long time to restore. I didn’t lose peace because of unrealistic expectations, a deep habit of vice, trying to be the Lone Ranger, or chasing a false reality. I had looked forward to participating on the panel and it was a great application of my vocations. How did I manage to lose my peace over it?
I had failed to ride the wave of my everyday chaos.
I’ve never surfed, but the image of gliding along a rushing wall of water feels fitting to visualize what I’ve been calling everyday chaos. Life relentlessly pushes us along at sixty minutes per hour. If we live our vocations well, riding on the surface is energetic, fulfilling, and fun. Yet, we are never more than one slip away from being mercilessly steamrolled into the swirling chaos below.
Falls happen. Getting back up with minimal drama is usually the best response. This is the life of our vocation. It is what it is and we are who we are. Sometimes we will balance above the wave and sometimes we’ll thrash around underneath it.
It’s tempting to stop pursuing peace at this stage. We are focused on letting go of self-centered pride and accepting that our efforts cannot save us. What more is there to do?
Pausing the quest for peace at this point is dangerous. As we make progress against pride we will likely be lured into sloth.
Sloth is subtle, which makes it easy to underestimate. It’s not laziness. It’s a lack of joy and peace in doing God’s will. That’s exactly the risk, doing God’s will without enjoying it.
Sloth shows itself in two ways. One is arrogant apathy. I’m not expected to be perfect, how can I be held accountable for my mistakes? Why should I feel bad about the consequences of my falls? The other is fatalistic despair. This is all there is. My vocation is an endless series of arbitrary successes I cannot appreciate and failures I cannot regret.
The solution is to balance humility and magnanimity. Magnanimity is the virtue of believing that we are capable of the great things God calls us to. Vocations may be quiet or hidden, but they should not be boring. Magnanimity allows us to rise to the challenges natural to our vocations and conquer them. Too much magnanimity leads to arrogance, often called presumption. Too much humility leads to despair. Both paths are the deadly sin of sloth.
The path of peace is balance, which brings us back to riding the wave.
Balancing on an unsteady surface requires constant adjustments as things shift and awareness of what’s coming next. We need both skills to balance the wave of our everyday chaos.
As a supervisor and member of a busy family, I need to make good on scheduled commitments, like showing up for panels on time, and following through on countless action items from meetings, emails, instant messages, and conversations in the hallway. Nothing should fall through the cracks.
I adjust by immediately capturing everything that I need to follow up on later on a list called a backlog. This is a software development practice that works great to manage a fast-paced environment. I have one list for personal items on the main screen of my phone and one for work things on the first browser tab of my work computer. Everything, and I mean everything, that I need to follow up on immediately gets added to one of these lists. I frequently check them and take care of the items there as I have time. This frequently leads to scheduling reminders or appointments at a suitable time.
I watch what’s coming next by reviewing my work backlog at the start of my work day and my personal backlog during my morning prayer time. I also look over my calendar for the day, praying for the graces necessary for any tough items I’ll face today. By the end of morning prayer, I have a solid idea of how the day will play out.
As a deacon and software developer I must be able to execute the technical demands of my vocations. Whether writing high-quality code, setting the altar for the Mass, or helping a family grieve the loss of a loved one there are techniques that help or hurt. I adjust by constantly reading the results of my actions. I reflect on each day and consider what worked well and what I want to avoid next time. I watch what’s coming by staying current on training and preparing for upcoming liturgies.
What about your vocations? What tends to send you crashing under the waves? What can you do to better keep your balance moment-by-moment and get perspective of what’s coming next so you’re ready?
Some saints were led to build hospitals or to convert nations. Some saints were led to hidden lives of prayer in a cloister. Jesus’s mother was asked to bear, raise, and let go of the Son of God.
They all had the magnanimity to believe God would carry them through the adventure he started and the humility to always rely on God through successes and failures.
Living out our God-given vocations leads to peace when we strive to cooperate with the grace he gives as well as our God-given talents and intelligence allow while accepting that setbacks are a part of the process. God bless us on our journey!
It's easy to get lost while pursuing peace. Next time, we'll talk about plotting our course to stay on track.
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