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Finding Peace in Chaos - Seeking Conversion

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This article is part of a series on finding peace in everyday chaos. It may be better to start from the beginning.

Two things caught my eye as I came into the kitchen: A bag of frozen pizza rolls sitting on the counter and a teenager with an empty plate playing on their phone nearby.

Annoyance was immediate. Why didn’t they put the rest of the pizza rolls away? Did they want to waste the whole bag? Did they think wasting them was fine because the magical Pizza Roll Fairy would just get more?

I still remember the look on my child’s face when I picked up the half-empty bag of food, threw it in the freezer, slammed the door, and stormed away with a snide remark about how they were welcome to waste their groceries when they went off to college.

My self-righteous anger quickly turned into shocked self-loathing. Why did such a trivial event upset me so much? Why was my peace so fragile?

Reflecting on–and apologizing for–my reactions like this led to the next step of finding peace in everyday chaos. The first step is defining success and the second is admitting my need for conversion.

I knew deep down that I wasn’t worried about wasting food while kids were hungry in Africa. I wasn’t worried about wasting five bucks’ worth of pizza rolls. I was worried about myself. I had set clear expectations and my child failed to meet them. I felt disrespected. I thought my authority was being challenged. I feared I was failing as a parent.

I, I, I, me, me, me. These are the pronouns of stress.

Frustration, anxiety, and stress in my life always seem linked to feeling guilty, powerless, disrespected, unloved, unseen, or afraid. Stress at work usually comes from the guilt of making a mistake or the fear of not meeting expectations. Frustration at home is often rooted in feeling unseen and unloved, valued only for my usefulness. Anxiety about our world, our country, and the future comes from a deep sense of powerlessness to do anything about the dangers lurking around every corner.

Peace comes from the belief that we are safe and we are loved. So often we think our safety and our lovableness come from our appearance, status, intelligence, title, talents, or skills. Each of these is under constant threat of being lost. If our peace depends on fragile things like these, no wonder we’re always stressed out!

The only hope for real peace is converting the eyes of our hearts away from ourselves to God. Peace in chaos is only possible when we feel safe because God is unshakeable and we feel loved because God created us and won’t abandon us.

This is the conversion we must seek. Without this, any pursuit of peace won’t last because it will be founded on something that will eventually be taken away.

After forming a clear vision of what peace in your chaotic life looks like, start seeking conversion. Reflect on the prideful, fearful, and selfish movements of your heart that your frustrations, stresses, and anxieties are built on. Frequently bring these to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Pray for a change of heart in these areas. Ask for the grace to draw your confidence from faith in God rather than faith in yourself or any other frail person or institution.

Finally, remember that the goal is “seeking” conversion, not “finding” it. This is a life-long process, not a one-and-done endeavor. Be gentle with yourself on your journey.

The next time someone leaves metaphorical pizza rolls on your counter, ask for the grace to turn your heart away from yourself. This situation doesn’t change God’s existence or love for you. It doesn’t eternally threaten you. Simply put them in the freezer and move on with your life.

Ready for the next step to find peace in everyday chaos? Build your team and stop facing life on your own!
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